Lazy Sunday Afternoon

(I am part of the worship team for this event. I like how Chip is calling it city church. It's going to be made up of people from different churches around the city, and is open to ANYONE.)

Today I had the privilege of watching Jeff baptize almost a dozen people. It was neat to see how many of them were actually related to one another. Families were stepping up and showing that they were serious about their commitment to Christ. I appreciated Jeff addressing the congregation by asking them if they are willing to come along side the people getting baptized and encouraging them to grow in their faith. It was pretty special.

I took off after the second service today and came home by myself. I threw on a hooded sweatshirt, jeans, and and a pair of Jeff's smartwools. I cleaned out the chicken roost, tended to the bunnies, and rotated some laundry. I even spend some time surfing the net. It was great. That hour and a half to myself was greatly appreciated. I don't take that opportunity lightly. I greeted Em and Jeff at the door with grilled tuna sandwiches and hot tomato soup. We were able to sit down to lunch before 2 p.m. Yeah!

We had a quiet and decadent afternoon. I spent some time finishing up the last of the worship set for next week, we watched a little of The States series on the History Channel, and then I curled up in the bedroom with my knitting. I switched on our little TV and started watching Godfather 2 about 1/2 through the movie. I've never watched a Godfather movie all the way through, or even half way through for that matter. It was one of those series of movies that came out when I was too young to see, and it was one that I never got around to seeing when I got older. It was pretty intriguing to me, but the ending made no sense. So, now I have to watch it from the beginning. I think I'll borrow 1 & 2 from my big bro and get caught up.

J made it back from his scout trip to the lava caves just south of the border. He is now officially a spelunker. He said it was a fun trip, but pretty cold. He also brought home a bag of left over pizza-pasta bake. His troops award winning recipe. Guess what the fam is having for lunch tomorrow.

The ear is aching a bit tonight. Hope that doesn't mean anything bad. Maybe it's just the weather. "Ah, the ear aches. Must mean blustery winds and rain."

Random thoughts and thankful list:
1. I love smartwool socks. I could wear them all the time. The problem is Jeff likes to wear them too, so if I wear them all the time that means I have to swipe some of his. That would leave him without.
2. Would love another day tomorrow like today.
354. Thankful for the decadence of today and don't want to be greedy.
355. Thankful for the warm of Keekers curled up in my lap.
356. Thankful to have my family safe, warm, dry, and under one roof.
3. Where's the most economical place in town to purchase wool yarn?
4. Would people prefer wool hats over cotton?
5. I like the way my green wool hat feels. I use a 5 circular needle.
357. Thankful for the ability to knit. Hope people appreciate it when they get their presents this year. Oops cats out of the bag.
6. The cat keeps stealing the wooden plugs off of our corner bench. I tell her no and then she goes over to the fridge, jumps up and pulls down a magnet to bat around the room.
7. If I let myself I could watch TV all day if I could.
8. I can't watch TV all day and expect to get much writing done.
9. What am I writing? What do I expect to have accomplished when the writing is finished? A book? Family history for the kiddos to read when I'm gone?
358. Thankful that I have kiddos to share my life and family history with.
10. I'm feeling tired. I should just stop and go to sleep.
11. I'm liking Jeffy's email sound. It reminds me of Disneyland.
12. Okay, stopping now. No really. Going to get ready for bed now...
13. If I go to bed now then I'll miss the season finale of Mad Men.
14. I could watch it in bed, but tape it incase I fall asleep. Yet another decadent thing.
359. Thankful for a bed.

Fear...

Oh my! This was an amazing dance titled, "Fear". To me it was so moving that it made me cry. If you have followed "So You Think You Can Dance" this season you know that Legacy should not be able to dance this way. He is a beat-box guy with no training. It blew my mind to watch this dance. It feeds my love of seeing people discover their potential, and then growing above and beyond anything they ever hoped for.

Its PGMA week at our church. Jeff and his tech crew have been hanging out for three days providing support for various southern gospel style musical artists. I'm not quite sure how many years Jeff has been involved with this organization. I do know that he enjoys helping out and providing a service for these guys.

Em was given the opportunity to sing the National Anthem for the opening of the event. She felt pretty special, and was pretty nervous. I don't share a lot of stories like this with the world, but I thought that this one shows that she has performing in her blood (or if you like Shakespeare, she has sawdust in her veins.) She only knew for a couple of hours that she was going to sing. This is a good thing because I think that she would have talked herself out of it. That's how I got to sing it last year. So we make it to the church. It's about a hour before she is going to sing. At first she won't get out of the van. She has that look of terror on her face that she had when she thought that I wouldn't be joining them for the home stay in Korea. I told her that she couldn't break a promise that she made to her daddy. She got out of the van.

Fast forward to 15 minutes before she is to sing. We step into the bathroom. She has the panicked look again, but this time her eyes are red and welling up with tears. I try to use the time honored tradition of saying, "Yeah, yeah, it's time to suck it up and smile. You made a commitment...blah, blah, blah..." She stepped back and said, "Just let me do this." She cries for about 30 seconds, then she wraps her arms around my waist and squeezes me tight. She lets go of me, stands up straight and tall, then she wipes the tears from her eyes and say, "Okay, I'm ready."

I wanted to laugh, but I just gave her a big smile. I was thinking, "Wow, if this is all that has to happen before a performance then that's pretty good!" We held hands and walked back stage. We stood in the dark and watched the screen as we listened to a wonderful personal story about Operation Christmas Child. This is an organization that we donate to each year. The kiddos love sending these boxes to some waiting child somewhere around the world. They always wonder who will get the box that they put together. Hear the story seemed to calm her even more. After Papa Dave welcomed the group to our church, Gordan invited Em to come and sing. She walked out like a professional and stood there with the big ole black mic and sang the song. She did great! I just marvel at what she does as a 10 year old. I think that I too would have cried before I was supposed to sing, but I wouldn't have actually sang. I'm so proud of her.

I was able to help serve meals to the PGMA crowd during the past couple of days. I really enjoy doing this because I get to feed people and I get to talk with people. Em joined me a couple of times too and helped set up tables, clear away trays and make sure people had enough water. She brought her friend last night to join her. They were quite a pair. They added a lot of joy to the dining hall.

Today I am home and getting caught up on laundry and hopefully can up a few quarts/pints of applesauce. I should say MOM's applesauce. This is the first time I am making it all by myself. Yikes. Hopefully I will have a similar taste to hers. We'll see if a few hours when it has cooked for a bit.

Okay, time to move on! Have a great weekend.

Ear Post Op #3 and stress

The staples came out yesterday, yea! Now I just have some stitches on the inside of my ear canal and a little packing left in there too. In two weeks, hopefully the leftovers will go away too. The doctor seemed pleased with the progress. After he took out the staples he cautioned me that there is a lot of healing left to be done on the inside. I can feel that, but there is still no airplane noise or the dizzies followed by nausea. I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop where those things are concerned. The doc said that if those things aren't a problem now, then the chances of them being a problem are very, very small. I'm just excited to find out what I can hear once my ear is free of packing. I'm not taking any of this process lightly. I am thankful for every moment that I am able to be up walking around without pain and without feeling sick to my stomach. Thanks again for the prayers. I will take every one.

On to another topic. There have been some situations lately that have brought me to me knees more often than normal. Now I realize that God calls us to pray without ceasing (1 Thess. 5:17), but there are times that I have things to pray about that take a more concentrated effort. These things range from personal sin to sick children to natural disasters to hurt feelings. I don't know how I would survive my life without these times of prayer. I think that I would become a complete stressed out controlling freak. I know that my blood pressure would go through the roof and I would probably be 100 pound heavier since I am a total stress eater.

I am forever grateful that I have a faith that sustains me. There are times when I face issues or have questions about things that I read in the bible that really cause to question my faith. Sometimes there are things that I just don't understand. I don't know if I ever will. But I peace about it all. I just know that even though I don't understand everything about God's Word or why certain things are allowed to happen that everything will be okay. It brings to mind these verses in Romans 5.

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

There was a point in my life where I had to decide on my own that I believed in one true God, that He sent His Son to die for my sins, and that The Holy Spirit lives and dwells on this earth. When I did that free of my parents influence and the church's influence I began to understand how I am supposed to live my life. I have to say that once I made that decision everything did not turn into rainbows and fuzzy little sheep that hop. It was not easy, because, as I've said before, being a Christ follower does not mean that everything automatically easier. I would say that the only thing easier about my life since I made that decision is that I have a source of peace that is unexplainable.

Since my husband has been on staff at our church, finding that peace is even much more valuable. I don't see how a person can be in ministry without seeking the Lord for a daily renewal of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. We've seen the effects of trying to "do church" on your own, without calling upon the power of the Holy Spirit to guide you. It breaks apart marriages, friendships, churches. It's exhausting. It causes paranoia. It's devastating.

I would ask you, if you have or haven't prayed in a while, to take this moment to take a deep breath and pause before the Lord. Tell Him what's on your heart, give Him your burdens. He promises to give us rest if we do. Matthew 11:28 says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

Walk With Him Wednesdays

Not sure of this weeks topic, but I wanted to get something down before I forgot.

Life is exhausting. The have tos butt heads with the want tos. People want what they want when they want it, and fail to remember that you may have something really important of your own to accomplish. Or flip flop that one. You are the one that is demanding without being sensitive to the other person's needs. Maybe you are still dealing with an issue that you've let go of, but someone else can't. In between it all you have to make sure you still have clean socks and underwear in the drawer. Oh wait, and you have to remember to not do all of life on your own.

I'm continually humbled as I am reminded that God cares about my life. He doesn't want me to live it on my own. He wants to walk with me along the way. He wants to carry my burdens, wipe every tear, and rejoice when I rejoice.

I forgot that today. I picked up an offense that there is nothing I can do about. Well, there is one important thing that I can do that my pride wants nothing to do with. I'm supposed to pray. I feel like if "all I do is pray" about it, then that diminishes the offense. That's not true. If I pray about it and lay it down, then I've done exactly what I'm supposed to do. I let go of the negative hold the offense has on my life, and I move forward. Or as Jeff says, "I've had my three year old tantrum. Now it's time to move on!"

Again, Philippians 4:4-9 comes to my mind as I try to make sense of the things going through my brain. It's been a constant reminder to me over the past couple of years about how I should live each day.

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Worship Confessional

I had the opportunity this past weekend to lead worship for church. I was really excited about the set of music that I came up with. I have to say that it's not all me picking the music. I believe that the Lord lays specific songs upon my heart to sing with the congregation, and He does this in various ways. (Through prayer time, hearing a song playing some where, reading scripture from the text of the sermon, or a personal situation that someone is going through that reminds me of a song just to name a few.) Here is the list from this past Sunday.

Verse One Holy, Holy, Holy: acapella (2nd hour it wasn't, third hour it was)
Because We Believe
You Are Worthy Of My Praise
Famous One (Jen Lead)
No Sweeter Name (Joanne Lead)
We Adore Thee
Lord, I Worship You (Offertory w/Scott Lead) (BTW Scott and Todd did a fabulous job even when they had to make up their own ending!)
Verse Four Holy, Holy, Holy (Closing: acapella)

I was concerned when I agreed to this particular date because the rehearsal for it was only one week after I had surgery. I purposefully scheduled myself to lead from the piano so that I could sit. I wasn't quite sure how I was going to feel by then, but I had total peace about it. I also added another vocalist to the group to help cover if my voice wasn't up for it. I was able to play and sing, but I'm very glad that we had Jen in there with us. She has a beautiful voice and a fun personality to work with.

I also had a great group of musicians in there too. They have played a lot both together and separately. They make my job very easy, and they sound reeeealy good. Despite a few dropped things here and there, it was smooth. It was mostly dropped on my part a clunker note here and there and me not telling everybody about a change in a song. It didn't really matter though, these guys are so good that they just go with the flow.

Part of what had helped me is the opportunity to consistently lead, and to lead with a consistent group of people. I feel that there is a team forming, a deeper relationship happening. Trust is being built, and I feel like we've really improved since starting this journey last May. The players have changed a bit, but the vocalists have been pretty much the same.

Now that there is a strong base to our worship, I want to figure out how to incorporate other people and other kinds of instruments. It can get really big really fast. I want to be deliberate about building on this foundation. I've tried really hard to not rush the process, but also not to impede it. I know that I am supposed to step out in faith and stretch my musical muscles. I know that the past 5 months have not been perfect, but I've experienced some wonderful moments with the congregation. There are things to work out structurally with rehearsals. Questions to ask about how often I should lead from the piano, how often do we sing through the offertory or have someone sing a special. Its an exciting yet a humbling thing to know that I get to wrestle with these things in planning the worship for a service at our church, especially since there was a time when I thought my opportunity to be involved there had passed.

So I'm working on the set for next time, and for those weeks that lie ahead. I've been looking at past lists, a list that I put together off a question I asked on Facebook a couple of weeks ago, and I'm digging into God's Word. I know that I like what I have so far, and I know that God will be faithful to inspire the rest.

Walk With Him Wednesdays

I continue to be encouraged by the blog Holy Experience. There is a segment on her blog for Wednesdays entitled

Keeping company with Jesus is the topic for this week.

I think for the most part that it's difficult to spend time with people that you don't know. There are those rare occasions when you meet someone for the first time and you feel like you've known them your whole life. I've been blessed a couple of times with that situation. I might not see this new friend for a while, but we seem to pick up right where we left off.

A few years ago (over 10 now) I found it really difficult to spend time cultivating the most important relationship in my life. It was also, in some ways, my most complicated. I can't see this person. I can't physically touch this person. There are ways that I can touch this person and see this person but it is through another person or situation. I came to a crossroads with my relationship with Jesus. The following is from the bottom header of my blog, and describes what happened after I realized I had to make a decision about whether or not I would continue on in an intimate relationship with Jesus. I know that some of you have already read it.

SOLACE FOR THE SOUL IS THE RESULT OF A CRY OF MY HEART. IT WAS A CRY THAT I NEVER EXPECTED TO LEAD ME HERE; TO THIS MOMENT. 10 YEARS AGO I ASKED GOD TO LIGHT A FIRE INSIDE ME, TO SHOW ME WHO HE IS, AND TO GIVE ME A PASSION FOR HIM UNLIKE ANYTHING I’VE EVER KNOWN. GOD HEARD MY CRY. THE LORD WAS QUICK TO REVEAL A FEW THINGS TO ME. HE SHOWED ME THAT I DID NOT KNOW HIM BECAUSE I DID NOT SPEND TIME WITH HIM. HE SHOWED ME THAT I DID NOT HAVE A PASSION FOR HIM BECAUSE I DID NOT SPEND ENOUGH TIME IN HIS WORD. HE ALSO SHOWED ME THAT I DID NOT PRAY EXPECTANTLY BECAUSE I DID NOT TRUST HIM TO ANSWER MY PRAYERS. HE SHOWED ME, IN A SENSE, THAT I NEEDED TO START OVER IN MY RELATIONSHIP HIM. SO I STARTED WITH THE BASICS. FIRST, I DEDICATED A PART OF EACH MORNING TO READING GOD’S WORD. I FAITHFULLY READ THE ONE YEAR BIBLE AND JOURNALED EVERYTHING I LEARNED FROM THAT PARTICULAR DAY’S READING. SECOND, I CARRIED AN INDEX CARD AROUND WITH ME WITH A VERSE FOR THE DAY AND A LIST OF PRAYER REQUESTS. I READ THEM FREQUENTLY AND FOUND MYSELF CROSSING THINGS OFF AND ADDING NEW THINGS TO THE LIST EACH DAY. THIRD, I IMMERSED MYSELF IN GOOD MUSIC. I PLAYED WORSHIP MUSIC IN MY HOME EVEN WHEN I WASN’T THERE. FOURTH, I SURROUNDED MYSELF WITH PEOPLE WHO LOVE JESUS, AND LEARNED ALOT ABOUT GOD BY LISTENING TO THEM AND BY WATCHING THEM LIVE THEIR LIVES. THESE ARE SIMPLE ACTIONS THAT DRAMATICALLY CHANGED MY LIFE. BY TAKING THE TIME TO SIT AT THE FEET OF JESUS, I GREW TO KNOW MY SAVIOR IN A WAY I NEVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE. I READ THE BIBLE ANTICIPATING THAT I WILL LEARN SOMETHING NEW. I PRAY EXPECTANTLY THAT GOD WILL ANSWER ME. MY SIMPLE CRY TO KNOW GOD ALLOWED THE HOLY SPIRIT TO RENEW ME, AND FILLED ME WITH A PASSION FOR CHRISTIANS TO KNOW GOD’S WORD AND FOR CHRISTIANS TO MAKE IT A PRIORITY IN THEIR LIVES TO SPEND TIME IN PRAYER, TO SEEK SOLACE FOR THEIR SOUL.

The years following have been up and down as far as the amount of time that I spend with Jesus. I do know that my faith is stronger than ever because of the time I have spent, do spend, and will spend with my Savior. I have settled into a deeper and abiding relationship with Him. I will also say that because of the choice I made to get to know Him that the LORD is expanding my borders and leading me into new areas of ministry. This requires a daily renewal of prayer and time in God's Word. I can't do God's ministry alone. I have to have Him there right beside me. Some days I easily remember to call on Jesus for some company, but other days it's like I need an alarm to remind me to spend time with Him. Whatever day it is, God is always there. Rejoicing when I rejoice, and mourning when I mourn. That's the trait of a true friend.

Ear Post Op #2

I've started this post over four or five times. I was going to give you the gory details of my second full day of recovery, of how Em got a pretty high fever, and of how I'm frustrated that I'm not farther a long in my recovery. I decided to focus on the good things of the past few days.

1. My surgery did go quite well. Jeff has been so gracious in caring for me, not that he wouldn't because that's what he does. He says my wound looks pretty good. I may post a picture of it. We'll see.
2. Through this whole thing family and friends have shown a lot of love and support to me and my family.
3. I had a lot of time on Saturday and Sunday to pray, since I couldn't listen to or watch anything on the TV without getting "sea sick."
4. Em doesn't have an ear infection. Her temp was so high it melted her ear wax. Nice, huh? People pay big money for that kind of service. Her temp is down to 99, and if she has H1N1 it's a mild case. We just have to keep an eye on her breathing. The doc said that her lungs etc are all clear. My radar was way off. I was convinced that she was going to need antibiotics for something. I've also been having weird disjointed dreams. For me to say that I've been having weird dreams it means they've been pretty weird.
5. That reminds me of when I woke up last night wrestling my head wrap off of my head. I was dreaming that I was a secret agent and I had to get some device from under my bandanna or the world would be destroyed. I told you I was having weird dreams even for me.
6. Jeff just turned on the Dave Matthews Band concert that he recorded, and I said, "Wow. That sounds amazing. Wait...I'm hearing it in both ears! WOW!" That's with an ear packed full of gauze. This is the first time I've listened to music since last week. WOW! You guys are getting this info hot off the presses! What will my ear be like in a week and a half when I go to see the doc?
7. Today is Jeffy's birthday. Happy Happy Day when Jeffy was born! I know that I would not be the same person had I married someone else 21 years ago. Thank you Lord that I married a man who is so much like me yet completely different. I'm extroverted in how I deal with feelings and situations. He is introverted in how he deals with feelings and situations. He is great at debating both sides of an argument. I stink at it. I have difficulty arguing for something I am opposed to. I get way too emotional. He could sell ice to a snowman. I would just hand the ice over to the snowman and ask if I could pay him something for his troubles. We have the same sense of humor. We love music of all kinds. We love watching movies and TV together. We find complete joy in spending time with our family. We also love seeing people win. Jeff loves a happy ending. He loves helping people figure out their gifts and talent, and then helping them put them to good use. He feels deeply. He is fiercely loyal. When he finds something to believe in he sticks with it 100%. He is my knight in shining armor. He always has been, and always will be even when I wound him deeply. He is a fabulous father, and a great cheerleader. He will make you feel like you can do anything. I trust him completely. I've never been able to do that with any earthly thing in my life. Thank you Lord for a trustworthy man. Happy Happy Day when Jeffy was born!
8. Jman made a great video for his dad's birthday. When I get it uploaded I'll share it with you.

Ear Post Op #1

It's early in the morning here. I'm awake after a nice long nap in my own bed. I'm going to take another Tylenol with sum-sum in it and hopefully sleep some more. That's not until after I consume a little more delish apple crisp made by our friend Judy.

Yesterday we woke up in plenty of time to make it to the doctor. I did wonder if i would make it to my 11 am procedure time. I laying on the bed complaining to the Lord about this when the phone rang and Jeff walked into the bed room saying that the hospital wanted us there asap. The procedure time was changed, but the doc's office forgot to call us. I laughed thinking about my winy attitude a moment earlier.

We go there a I saw a mom from church who was waiting for her daughter to finish up. She too was having ear surgery performed by my doc. She is a single mom. Lord please bless her and her daughters. Please provide ALL of their needs.

I was a little rattled going into surgery. I think that I hadn't given a whole lot of thought to what was going to happen. I would think yeah, my ear is going to get flipped over, have a hole drilled into it, and then a bunch of stuff is going to get cleaned out. Then I would move on to making sure that Em's math work was finished or that J's English assignment was done. When they offered me the calming drug I looked at Jeff and said, "Do you think I should?" He smiled and said, "I think that would be a good idea." It was calming, About an hour later, though, I was still waiting to go in, and started feeling a little cranky. Jeff said that I kept trying to flick the oxygen monitor off of my finger.

They took me in, and about three hours later I was finished. I started waking up around 2:45. Wow. Anesthesia is really hard to wake up from. I don't know why I didn't remember that from my last surgery. Maybe I felt more pressure to wake up because I was supposed to go home the same day. It was good to get home, and climb into my bed.

I think the Tylenol with sum-sum has settled in, so I'm going to close for now. If I get the nerve I may post a pic of myself all wrapped up. You can barely see my big red and purple earlobe trying to hide under the head dressing. Oh, and yesterday was Amy Jo's birthday. I forgot to send her a card. Happy Birthday Amy Jo!

I do appreciate all the prayers and ask for more!